Opinion

It’s Not Me, It’s You

by trisharrowsmithauthor
Image via Deposit Photos

Misogynist: /məˈsäjənəst/ A person who hates or discriminates against women.

I want to start this piece by making it clear that I don’t hate women. I hate everyone equally. (I’m mostly joking with that last line). I’m actually a really nice person. I just happen to be honest to a fault, I call people out on their bullshit, and I take issue with people who refuse to take facts/opinions into consideration just because said facts/opinions differ from either what they believe or it goes against their agenda.

With that being said, I also love playing Devil’s Advocate. Sometimes, it’s just to be an ass. Most times, though, it’s to show people their opinion is not the only valid one. I want them to see the idea/subject/situation from a different perspective.

Anyway, social media was at it again so this blog is based on a (brief) Twitter interaction. (Important to note: this person consistently posts tweets that are anti-men and describes herself as a feminist).

Twitter: Not enough people are aware that men will impregnate women on purpose in order to trap them in the relationship. It’s a real problem and just going to get worse if we don’t make change.

Me: Weird. Women have been doing that to men for decades.

Twitter: Weird misogynist retort.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the idea behind the post. However, given the history of her postings, this was nothing more than a short, feminist rant.

I am not a feminist, although I do understand the desire of some to be one. The part I don’t understand is the need to be equal when it’s beneficial but not when it’s consequential. In this particular case, she wants to accuse men of trying to impregnate a woman to trap them in a relationship but refuses to acknowledge the fact that women have done, and continue to do, the exact same thing to men.  

Instead of debating and trying to make me understand her point, her reaction was to default to “name calling” and making assumptions about who I am. I’m always up for a good debate. I’m willing to listen to someone’s reasoning behind their opinion. But…assuming I’m a misogynist because I stated a fact? That doesn’t help anyone take your post or your opinion seriously. It doesn’t help anyone understand your point.

As for the point of my post, it’s simply this: just because a person is honest and willing to admit that women aren’t perfect, it does not make them a misogynist. It makes them honest. Just because a person doesn’t hate men, that doesn’t automatically mean they must hate women. Stop using assumptions to satisfy your own agenda.

An Opinion is Just That.

by trisharrowsmithauthor

opinion: /əˈpinyən/ a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Based on this definition, personally, I think you should have some sort of facts to back up your reasoning for why you feel a certain way. But, that’s just my opinion. Some people may disagree with me and that’s okay.


The morning they announced that Roe vs Wade had been overturned I made the mistake of opening the Facebook app on my phone. The very top post was one of my friends stating that anyone who agreed with the ruling should unfriend them and not speak to them again.


Want to take a guess at what the second post was? That’s right…back to back. The next post was another friend stating that they agreed with the ruling and anyone who didn’t should unfriend them and remove themselves from the poster’s life.


So, you know what I did? I left both of them right where they were and kept scrolling through the newsfeed. I did end up closing the app after about a minute and a half because it was the entire timeline packed with posts exactly like those. But, the point is, I didn’t unfriend or stop following anyone. And no, I didn’t share my opinion on the matter and I won’t do it here either. That’s not the point of this post.


As an adult, I wholeheartedly believe people need to understand that other people have different opinions. And it’s okay. My personal Facebook page is private. It’s not a public page where I allow anyone to follow me like I do on my professional pages. I know everyone that I’m friends with there. There’s obviously a reason I’m friends with them there.


The point is, there is no one else on the planet that’s going to agree with you on every single subject. Even if the majority of your viewpoints align, there’s going to be something you disagree on. It’s how the world works. What you decide to do with those differing opinions is what determines who you are as a person.


Everyone has one or two things they are extremely passionate about. Most times, those things are based on large, complex societal issues: religion, sexuality, racism, politics, etc. And then you have people like me who pick the most obscure things to be loud about. The two biggest passions in my life? Literacy and prisoners’ rights.


The first one is a completely different subject and maybe I’ll write a short piece on that later. For now, let’s talk about the one I’m the loudest about. I have very strong opinions about prisoners’ rights and our justice system as a whole. Referring back to the first paragraph, I can tell you I have spent hundreds of hours researching a number of cases, statistics, the history of our justice system.


I have facts to back up my opinion on the subject. Typically, when I post about a stay of execution or (my least favorite) private prisons, the one comment I’m guaranteed to get is “do the crime, do the time”. Every single time I see that it makes my head want to explode. It goes so much deeper than just “a person” committing a crime. The only purpose that comment serves is to show your ignorance on the subject.


Most of the time, I push back a little bit when someone says that but I do spare them the one-two hour lecture on why that statement has zero validity. This particular example is not an opinion vs opinion because committing a crime never has anything to do with what I’m talking about. This is an example of someone having an opinion just to have a opinion.


Two of my very best people have done time in prison. Keeping in mind this is my absolute biggest passion, one of the things I care about most in this life, of those two people, one of them agrees with my viewpoint, the other does not. Want to know what happened when that one individual told me he doesn’t agree with me on the subject?


I said, “that’s okay. We’re allowed to disagree.” Want to know what happened after that? We had a few brief discussions on the subject. And I know, it’s hard to believe, but…we’re still friends. We still talk to each other. Do you want to know why that is? It’s because we’re adults. It’s because we know we won’t see eye to eye on everything. It’s because we are able to have a discussion without screaming at each other. It’s because one opinion, on one subject, doesn’t change who that person is.


Our discussions on this topic allowed us to get to know each other better. We both have valid reasons for why we have the opinion that we do. It allowed us to see things from a different perspective. And that, my friends, is the whole point of this blog page.


Perspective is knowledge. Having an opinion is fine. It’s what makes us unique, it’s what makes all of us different. But you need to have an open mind about things, even if it makes you uncomfortable. The key to fully understanding something is to be able to see it from a different perspective.


It doesn’t mean you have to agree, it doesn’t mean you have to change your mind. You just have to have the willingness to listen. And you need to understand that one opinion doesn’t define who that person is, even if that opinion doesn’t match your own.

Some People Just Suck

by trisharrowsmithauthor

I want to start out by telling everyone that I’m writing this piece as a PSA. I am an extremely honest person and very confident in myself, my abilities, and what I have to offer. So, while this doesn’t bother me even though it happened to me, it’s a perfect example of how some people act and why their opinion shouldn’t matter.

I was helping a customer today and I could feel him staring at me every time I turned my face away from him. This was the conversation that followed:

Him: (Leaning over the counter) I was a dentist before I retired. (Staring directly at my mouth)

Me: Yeah, they’re fake. (Talking about my teeth).

Him: (Lowers his voice just a bit) I know they’re fake, I was a dentist. Why did you say that so loud? I was trying to be discreet over here.

Me: Sir. If you really wanted to be discreet, you would have chosen to say nothing.

Him: You’re not supposed to tell people they’re fake.

Me: (Unconcerned by what he actually said but annoyed by his passive-aggressiveness) Why? I spent years not smiling at people. I actively tried to hide my face and change the way I spoke so people wouldn’t see my teeth. I haven’t been able to eat properly for years because I couldn’t bite into anything. By getting me teeth fixed, I gained back all that confidence I lost and then some. I feel better about myself, I feel healthier now that I can eat. Why would I not be allowed to tell people the truth about myself?

Him: (clearly not knowing how to respond) You know you can get implants, that might help.

Me: (rolls eyes) I have four of them. Two are active, I have to go back to have the other two completed. I had to do it in stages because I didn’t have seventeen-thousand dollars to hand over at once. What I have right now is temporary.

Him: Oh.

Me: (What I actually said) Your total is going to be $234.54.

Me: (What I wanted to say) You know, sir, as a former professional dentist, you may be able to tell that my teeth aren’t real. But, as a current dental patient, I know, for a fact, that you are exactly the type of person who should not work in the medical field. Did you keep a referral list of therapists on your desk for all the beautiful women who you made to feel like absolute shit about themselves because of your lack of understanding of what a sympathetic bedside manner is? You may have learned about dentistry in school, but you must have been absent the day they taught the lesson on how to not be a shitty person.

Obviously, I couldn’t say that because I was working. Before I went in for these procedures, I felt bad enough about my appearance, I didn’t need people pointing out my flaws. I was/am very aware of how I look(ed). Now that I’ve had things fixed, I don’t care what people think or what they say because I feel good about myself. I’m more confident about my smile now then I ever have been throughout my entire life.

And this man decided the only way his day would be better was to let me know that he knows.

You know what I know? This man…he can say what he wants. Nothing that comes out of his mouth is going to make me feel bad about myself for doing what I had to do to better my quality of life and improve my health, both physically and mentally. While I never lost confidence in who I was, I lost all of it when it came to my appearance. I honestly forgot what it felt like to feel this good because it’s been so long.

So, this is my PSA: Don’t ever let other people make you feel bad about yourself. Do not let people tear you down for bettering yourself. And for the love of what/whoever you believe in, be proud of who you are and what you’ve overcome. There is not an opinion on this planet that matters more than your own when it comes to how you feel about yourself.

Be proud.

Be you.

Don’t let some asshole ruin your day just because they’re a shitty person.